My father always used to ask me: are you Happy? Do you like what you are doing? Prior to my sobriety I was never the conversationalist. For the most part, I was not Happy. I was always worried what other people thought of me; am I at the right job, does she find me attractive...
Looking back now I wish I would have talked to my father more. He was a very Bright, Intelligent, but difficult man. I think my fathers greatest Accomplishment was putting the past behind him And deciding to Marry his love and raise 3 children. Losing his homeland, his parents and future on that Island and being able to put it all in a box and throwing deep into the sea and never opening it again must have been hard on him. But he did it. From what I saw he didn’t talk to anybody about his problems. Just woke up, put on his big boy pants and did his job. Many men can do that And many do. I’m not one of them. I do not know where I inherited it from but I’m a very emotional and passionate person. When I was younger I didn’t talk to anybody either. I would hold everything in.
My sisters and mom would say, I remember, “what’s wrong with your brother?“ Who knows? When I started drinking in my mid teens It was then I would open up. Maybe too much. As we all know drinking and talking don’t mix. Fast forward decades, now I talk through my writing. When I first started writing my thoughts, it didn’t come from a place of confidence. I write in order to make myself feel confident. It took me a lot to get my thoughts out. It also took my awhile to be Courages to Speaking the Truth and not worry with what other people might think! I am very Comfortable in my on skin now. (Selfie) It wasn’t always so. Writing has really improved my mind set. Not only do I write to help myself, I do it because I know I’m not alone. From my own personal experiences and sitting in group therapy sessions I’ve learned that we ALL go through the same things. Speak to your fiends. Open up. Don’t be Afraid. More often than not, most people can relate to your experiences. I think I thought I was raised to keep your fears and insecurities to yourself. Speaking it was a sign of weakness. I can honestly say its not. I am NOT A WEAK PERSON. I’m STRONG>
I am in a very Great place in Life now and its sad to think there are lonely people out there that have no one to talk to. I Hope this reaches them. Know you can always communicate with me. You just have to ask.
Have a Great And Blessed Week
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