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Relapse is part of Recovery. Just don’t tell my sisters

Updated: Jan 31, 2021

At first reading the title it‘s hard to believe but its true. Relapsing can occur during recovery and sometimes its recommended for some to finally convince themselves drinking and drugs are just not compatible with you. Again I’m no Doctor and I’m only giving you my thoughts and experiences. My Mind is very powerful and it can convince me to do or not do anything. Anything. Relapsing is not failure, its just part of the journey to where you want to get. Medical experts have come to the conclusion that drug and alcohol addiction is a “chronic relapsing illness”. The research supports that addiction is a brain disease because it weakens the brain’s ability to experience pleasure and motivation, increases a person’s response to stress, creates cravings and unpleasant emotions when cravings go unsatisfied, and impairs functioning of brain regions associated with controlling inhibitions, making decisions, and regulating behavior. In a nutshell, addiction is a disease that affects the way your brain works. What I take from this is that I have a sensitive and perfectly functioning brain, that if its introduced to Alcoholic and mind -altering drugs-all shit will break lose. Lol. Shit that really explains me and drugs and alcohol. Going back to the topic of Relapsing, from my time in re-hab and hearing stories form others that relapsed, the common theme was they have been sober for a long time and they feel they can go back to being ”Normal Drinkers.“

I’m going to save you a lot of trouble researching this but Trust me when I tell you this is simply not possible. You can be sober for 10 years and pick up a drink and you will pick up right where you left off 10 years earlier. Not too long you will be in the gutter again Asking yourself what happened. A lot of addicts are not convinced of this and try it out. They intentionally relapse to experiment with the outcome. On the positive side, those that do relapse and find themselves back in bad shape, at least now they now.

During the Hollidays its no surprise relapsing occurs as this is a very stressful and emotional time for everyone. Many Parties and everywhere you go its a festive time with the alcohol flowing. Perfect time to test my relapse theory.

My Blog Is called “Sobriety Thoughts”for a reason so I’m going to share my Holliday thought and what I went through.

My mom is 92 years old and lives with one of my sisters. She moved in when my Father passed away. She’s survived Cancer, raised a family and buried her husband And reluctantly gave up her home and moved in with her daughter. For the most part, since the death of my father, shes been healthy. Recently she’s suffering from the onset’s of Dementia. As most of you know this is a devastating Disease. Most people handle stress ok and some don’t. I’m in between. Right before Christmas she had an episode where her memory was all over the place. She simply was not there. The Hollidays are tough on me because of my Sobriety and everyone drinking, the Death of my father and now my Mom’s new condition. I just got to the breaking point and decided to go sit a bar and watch Football. The Bartender asks what are we drinking, I paused then blurted out a Crown and Coke. The bartender said coming right up. I convinced myself I deserve this. I’ve been good and sober for almost 7 years. It’s the Hollidays and lets do this. She brings the drink and sets it down in down front of me. I just stare at it. It felt like she handed me a grenade and I either had to drink it or throw it or it will explode. I pick it up and smell it and put it back down. I told myself I’m going to sit here and think of all the reasons to drink it and all the reasons not to. An hour goes by and I’m still staring at it. What would your dad say? I think of him and a thought of what he would say comes to mind. Dad: I can’t believe you’ve come this far to do this. All them inspiring posts were just bull shit? Get up, pay your tab, get her phone # and Leave. Go to your sister’s house, spend time with your mother and family. It’s Christmas Eve for God’s sake. Life is Tough son and it’s going to get tougher with your mom. Your sister is strong but not that strong ! Conjo, look at all them muscles and you are here cowering like a little girl. Vamos...

Honey, My tab please. Merry Christmas

Thanks Dad.

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